On this thirty-fourth anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v. Wade, tens of thousands of people will demonstrate in Washington D.C. and throughout the country. In many places, profoundly opposed groups will face off--to one side, signs with "Keep Your Laws Off My Body" and to the other, "Abortion Kills Children." The majority of people in both groups will be women; many of them have, like over a third of American women of childbearing age (estimates vary from thirty-five to forty-three percent), experienced at least one abortion.
I presume that post-abortive women demonstrating on both sides find it empowering and healing to gather with a supportive community and publicly proclaim the views formed by their own experiences with this intense and personal choice. I am concerned, though, about the effects of these demonstrations on other women who have had difficult or ambivalent abortion experiences. After Abortion had a powerful post yesterday from the perspective of a Catholic, pro-life woman who very much regrets her own abortion. Annie urges pro-life activists to never attack women as baby-killers, and especially to avoid graphic pictures, arguing that they will further traumatize women who feel shame and pain about their abortions, preventing them from speaking of their experience and seeking desired assistance. Some pro-choice signs, analogously, insult and invalidate the experience of the many women who find abortion a desperate and distasteful choice, not an empowering one. (E.g. "Not Every Ejaculation Deserves A Last Name," "Make Love Not Babies," and "Euthanize Christians"--all seen by Annie at a protest, and discussed in an earlier post criticizing hate speech from both sides).
There will also be appropriate signs held today, which I would like to see more of--for instance, "Pro-Choice, Pro-Child" on one side and "Abortion Exploits Women," and "I Regret My Abortion" on the other. That might make it safe for those in the opposing groups, the large ambivalent group caught between them, and above all, women who are seeking to work through their own experiences of abortion to cross the picket lines and start a healing and respectful conversation.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
The Healing Choice, Part 1
One of the few books to deal with post-abortion healing from a pro-choice perspective is The Healing Choice: Your Guide to Emotional Recovery After An Abortion, by psychotherapists Candace De Puy and Dana Dovitch.
In the introduction, they discuss their motivation for writing the book: finding many clients whose abortions impacted their lives, and no resources that they found helpful to recommend to them.
Beneath the clamor of the abortion debate, the quiet impact abortion has on the psychological life of the woman who makes this choice has gone unheard. There is no cultural acknowledgment that she may have struggled over her decision or felt bereaved, or that the event may have left her with pain. Thus, abortion remains a significant personal experience that is not publicly recognized, socially sanctioned or frankly shared in the way a divorce, the death of a loved one or a miscarriage might be. A woman's emotional journey from conception to termination is often left buried in her psychological underground. As she fights the external stigma, she struggles to understand her internal process, but without a charted course for healing, she has little guidance to explore, integrate or resolve her feelings.
Emotional restoration after an abortion is a unique challenge because the emotions a woman experiences are the result of a choice she made. Paradoxically, her healing journey requires yet another significant choice--a healing choice. She can either live with the unresolved memories she may have struggled to hold at bay, or she can decide to go forward, look inward and examine herself. To find resolution, she must acknowledge feelings and recollections, even though it is tempting to fantasize that emotions will magically resolve themselves with time (pp. 14-15).
In the coming weeks, I will examine the book more deeply. It guides women through a step-by-step process to work through their experience by recalling the stories and processing the feelings related to the abortion, beginning with the pregnancy itself. It contains many practical exercises to assist in this process. If anyone has read this book or tried the exercises--or is now inspired to do so--your comments and sharing would be most welcome.
In the introduction, they discuss their motivation for writing the book: finding many clients whose abortions impacted their lives, and no resources that they found helpful to recommend to them.
Beneath the clamor of the abortion debate, the quiet impact abortion has on the psychological life of the woman who makes this choice has gone unheard. There is no cultural acknowledgment that she may have struggled over her decision or felt bereaved, or that the event may have left her with pain. Thus, abortion remains a significant personal experience that is not publicly recognized, socially sanctioned or frankly shared in the way a divorce, the death of a loved one or a miscarriage might be. A woman's emotional journey from conception to termination is often left buried in her psychological underground. As she fights the external stigma, she struggles to understand her internal process, but without a charted course for healing, she has little guidance to explore, integrate or resolve her feelings.
Emotional restoration after an abortion is a unique challenge because the emotions a woman experiences are the result of a choice she made. Paradoxically, her healing journey requires yet another significant choice--a healing choice. She can either live with the unresolved memories she may have struggled to hold at bay, or she can decide to go forward, look inward and examine herself. To find resolution, she must acknowledge feelings and recollections, even though it is tempting to fantasize that emotions will magically resolve themselves with time (pp. 14-15).
In the coming weeks, I will examine the book more deeply. It guides women through a step-by-step process to work through their experience by recalling the stories and processing the feelings related to the abortion, beginning with the pregnancy itself. It contains many practical exercises to assist in this process. If anyone has read this book or tried the exercises--or is now inspired to do so--your comments and sharing would be most welcome.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Common Ground
Welcome to this new blog dedicated to post-abortion healing.
My goal is to provide a safe space for healing, education, and respectful dialogue between women and men of all views on this controversial, often painful subject. Personal experience and scientific research on post-abortion syndrome will be the focus, with political issues discussed seldom and only insofar as they directly relate to this. I will examine and link to resources from scholars and organizations of widely varying points of view, as long as they are pro-women and their focus is post-abortion support.
My hope is to establish as much common ground as possible between people who are pro-choice, pro-life, and everywhere in between. I would propose that this common ground can be found in two statements that almost everyone would agree with.
1. Some women find their abortion experiences deeply painful, and they deserve compassion, a respectful hearing, and every form of assistance needed to work through this.
2. No woman should be forced to have an abortion she does not freely choose (a major risk factor for post-abortion complications). To prevent this, we need empowerment of women in regards to sexuality, family planning, relationships, and financial independence, and the full availability of support and resources for those facing a crisis pregnancy who would rather choose parenting or adoption.
If you have been affected by abortion--personally or through the experience of someone you care about--I salute your courage and especially welcome your sharing and wisdom. If you would prefer to contact me privately, please free to e-mail me at laura@grimes.ws. I can offer free supportive listening and spiritual counseling which respects your beliefs and and values--in-person if you live in the southern California area, or by phone or e-mail. I can also assist you in finding professional therapists, support groups, or peer counseling in your own area. I hope that this blog can be a place of loving support and community as you take the next steps on your unique journey to freedom, healing, and life abundant.
My goal is to provide a safe space for healing, education, and respectful dialogue between women and men of all views on this controversial, often painful subject. Personal experience and scientific research on post-abortion syndrome will be the focus, with political issues discussed seldom and only insofar as they directly relate to this. I will examine and link to resources from scholars and organizations of widely varying points of view, as long as they are pro-women and their focus is post-abortion support.
My hope is to establish as much common ground as possible between people who are pro-choice, pro-life, and everywhere in between. I would propose that this common ground can be found in two statements that almost everyone would agree with.
1. Some women find their abortion experiences deeply painful, and they deserve compassion, a respectful hearing, and every form of assistance needed to work through this.
2. No woman should be forced to have an abortion she does not freely choose (a major risk factor for post-abortion complications). To prevent this, we need empowerment of women in regards to sexuality, family planning, relationships, and financial independence, and the full availability of support and resources for those facing a crisis pregnancy who would rather choose parenting or adoption.
If you have been affected by abortion--personally or through the experience of someone you care about--I salute your courage and especially welcome your sharing and wisdom. If you would prefer to contact me privately, please free to e-mail me at laura@grimes.ws. I can offer free supportive listening and spiritual counseling which respects your beliefs and and values--in-person if you live in the southern California area, or by phone or e-mail. I can also assist you in finding professional therapists, support groups, or peer counseling in your own area. I hope that this blog can be a place of loving support and community as you take the next steps on your unique journey to freedom, healing, and life abundant.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)